How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
