Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
