what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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