I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think my moral compass just broke
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize