K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
