This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
