i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
