ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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