i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize