I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
