fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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