Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize