You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
