i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
