I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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