I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
