and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
