I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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