it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The beer is more important than you right now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
