Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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