You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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