i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
