Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
