We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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