I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
