i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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