why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
