I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize