We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
