I'm so fucking centered right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
