PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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