Soap is not a condiment
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
