Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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