Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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