Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
