You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
