walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
