I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize