Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
