I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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