It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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