I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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