I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
