Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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