Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize