ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
God I need to hump something, right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
