I could make wine with my vomit
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
