you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
