i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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