Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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