um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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