I skipped work to stalk him.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
