You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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