He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
