I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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