you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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