She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
