i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
MIDGETS
????
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
dude. I can hear the air.
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