nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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