I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
