My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
