I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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