I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
