Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
