Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
