and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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