i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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