just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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