then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
