I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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