On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
