Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
