can we get nightvision for the apartment?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
