I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
