You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You made out with two different species that night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
