id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
