Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
