the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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