Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
