Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
