I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize