I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
