You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
