if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
