listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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