I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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