How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
