A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
