Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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