I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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