Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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