i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
