Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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