i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
