They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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