Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There r osticjed everywhere
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
