is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry about my life...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
