I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
