I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
