I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
