In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
