I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
