I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i already hear my dad disowning me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
