yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
