I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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