It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize