hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
