meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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